Dave Allikas: Music

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If I had my dream job, it would be as a lifeguard
Of the whole human race
I’d sit up high where I could see it all, with just one duty:
To keep from taking place
Any couplings between the kinds of people
Who bring the planet down
Like the mean, the cruel, the brainless, thoughtless, selfish, loud, obnoxious, rude…
You get the message: nearly your whole town.

In fact, with the beauties hot to propagate today
It might be safer just to stand up once an hour and say:

Everyone out of the gene pool
I’m not impressed, folks, with much of what I’m seeing
So everyone out of the gene pool
I’m sure it’s best not to spawn a human being
From the pond scum that’s around; it seems
Beyond some of the worst bad dreams
I’ve ever had to picture what might sprout
Everyone out of the gene pool.

Now I regret I’d have to keep you nice folks
Off of one another, too
But I’m sorry--the risk is far too great
Tell me, friends, what would you do
In a world where teenage boys wear earrings--in their tongues
College grads smoke cigars
Rich old dudes dump their wives, bus drivers pass up riders, hip-hop sells, and slobs throw garbage from cars

Yes, if I’m tempted to relent, I know the cure
I’ll take one look down, then I’ll reiterate, for sure,

Everyone out of the gene pool
I’ll spear any sperm that I see swimming by me
Everyone out of the gene pool
Steer clear of those ova, Casanova; boy, don’t try me
We don’t need your sons and daughters
Try to breed ’em in these waters
And you’d better be a bass or trout;
Everyone out of the gene pool.

Yes, I’d make the human race lie fallow
While waiting for our DNA research
To cleanse the chromosomes of traits like nasty, phony, shallow,
Vain, profane; then I’ll proclaim from my perch:

Everyone back in the gene pool
Go make like rabbits, folks; mankind has come unneutered, but
You’ll get no slack in the gene pool
Watch those old habits, folks; if one goth girl accoutered
In Morticia black tries to embrace
Some militia wack with a tattooed face
I’ll know science let us down, and shout:
Everyone out of the gene pool.